Blech.

It's been a crappy week so far.  Probably the best thing that happened is that my mom is out of the hospital and in rehab at the nursing home...again.  She had total knee replacement about 2 months ago, was doing well, then her femur just under the knee replacement decided to break.  Back to the hospital, back into surgery and back to the nursing home for her.  I told her no more hopscotch or tap dancing for a while.

I made chili for supper tonight.  Rinsed all the beans, drained the meat, but my stomach feels like it's a ticking time bomb, burning and belchy tummy night for me.  Silly me had a cranberry vodka on top of that so I guess I get what I deserve.  It'll be a yogurt only day for me tomorrow.

I've abandoned 30 day Pilates challenge again.  however, I'm still doing my workouts on the stability ball. I'm sure I look graceful and beauteous while working on it lol!  (yes that's sarcasm) But I'm envious of the bodies I've seen others get who were much heavier than I am. Envy is a powerful motivator. I fully intend to have a rockin bikini body by my 42nd birthday. 42 is a scary number further away from safe child bearing years and too freakin close to menopause for my comfort, but as I've said before.  I can't do anything about age by I can do something about fat.  It's only 50 pounds away and I lost more than 50 in the last year.  It's do-able.

Ever try to do a roll up or a plank while your belly is still dragging the ground?  Talk about humiliating.  Better yet, you're  not supposed to have an arch in your back while doing roll ups/crunches, but your butt is so big it lifts your lower back off the ground while your droopy boobs have pooled under your back also forcing your  back  to arch even .  OUCH! No wonder people give up on exercising.  There's no real instruction for the truly obese on how to do the exercises correctly.  The only advice I've seen is to get a personal trainer like everyone can afford those types of services.

I'm wondering what is wrong that I can't seem to take a good picture of late?  Is it the hair that is making me look far too pale? The lack of sun bathing as it's a bit too cool outside so I no longer have a healthy sun kissed glow?  My hair won't do a darned thing. My make up is all wrong.  I feel like a stranger in my own body.  I still startle myself when I look in the mirror, whoa!  who's that? Oh it's me!  I look old and worn out.  Eesh!  Ever had that experience?  If not and you're over 40, it's coming soon to a mirror near you!